Crying Isn’t Wrong: Relearning Tears as a Natural Part of Being Human

I grew up rarely seeing adults cry, and somewhere along the way, I developed an association between crying and something being wrong. Tears felt alarming, big, concerning. If someone cried, it meant something bad had happened. Even now, I can still feel traces of that conditioning in my body.
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Today, in a yoga class, I felt grief suddenly begin to rise inside of me. It wasn’t something on my mind.  It wasn’t attached to one specific thought or story. It simply emerged.  My first instinct was immediate, not here, not now.

I could feel the vulnerability of it. The awareness of other people nearby. The thoughts that quickly rushed in said, What will people think? This isn’t the time or place.  But instead of pushing it away, I moved into child’s pose and stayed there. I let myself notice what was happening without needing to fix it or fully understand it. I named it quietly to myself, This feels like grief, and I let the tears flow…

I stayed in child’s pose for the rest of class, letting my body do what it seemed to need to do, release, soften, move something through, and I reassured myself, This is a human response, tears are an expression, grief is part of being human. 

By the end of class, I joined in shavasana. Resting, I felt lighter, softer and more spacious.  

Crying Is One of Our First Forms of Communication
We come into the world crying.  Babies cry to communicate needs, seek connection, express discomfort, release overwhelm, and call for support. Tears are woven into our nervous systems from the very beginning. Yet through conditioning, many of us learn that crying is something to suppress, hide, apologize for, or stop as quickly as possible.

“Don’t cry.”
“You’re okay.”
“Stop being dramatic.”
“You’re so emotional.”

Often, these responses are not intentionally harmful. Many adults are simply responding from their own discomfort or conditioning around emotion and vulnerability.  But what happens when we repeatedly interrupt a natural human process? Crying is not a weakness, and it’s not necessarily a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes tears are sadness, fear, frustration, relief, joy, awe, tenderness, or grief.  Sometimes tears emerge simply because our bodies have been holding too much for too long.

Tears Are Part of Release
Research suggests emotional tears may help regulate stress and support emotional processing. Many people notice a sense of relief, grounding, or settling after crying.

Crying can be understood as part of the body’s natural rhythm of expression and release. Like a pressure valve. Like movement after tension. Like exhaling after holding the breath too long. And while not every cry leads to immediate calm or clarity, tears themselves are not the problem.  Often, they are just part of a process.  

Reflecting on Our Own Relationship With Crying
Before we can fully support children when tears arise, it helps to explore our own relationship with crying first.  Many of us were not taught how to stay present with emotion or tears, either our own or someone else’s.  Sometimes simply becoming aware of these patterns changes the way we respond.

Some reflection questions:

• What was modeled for me about crying growing up?
• Were tears welcomed, ignored, shamed, or feared?
• What emotions felt acceptable in my home? Which ones didn’t?
• What happens inside of me when my child cries?
• What meaning do I unconsciously attach to tears?
• Where do I personally feel safest allowing emotion or grief to emerge?
• Are there spaces where I still feel I have to hold it all together?

Helping Children Build a Healthy Relationship With Tears 
Children learn about emotions not just from what we say, but from how we respond.  When we rush to stop tears immediately, children can begin to internalize the message that crying is unsafe, inconvenient, embarrassing, or too much for others. But when we stay present, calm, and accepting, children begin to learn:

My feelings are allowed.
My body instinctively knows what to do.
I can move through emotions and come out the other side.

This doesn’t mean we intensify emotion or leave children drowning in overwhelm. It simply means we stop treating tears like an emergency.

Instead of:

• “Oh, don’t cry.”
• “You’re fine.”
• “There’s nothing to cry about.”

We might try:

• “Your body has a lot to let out right now.”
• “I’m here with you.”
• “It’s okay to cry.”
• “That felt really disappointing/sad/scary.”
• “You don’t have to rush through this.”
• “Sometimes crying helps our body release big feelings.”

Sometimes children want closeness.
Sometimes space.
Sometimes movement.
Sometimes words.
Sometimes they simply need permission to cry without being fixed.

Tears Are Part of Being Human
When children learn that tears are natural, normal, and part of being human, they learn that they can cry and still be okay. That they can feel deeply and move forward. That emotions can move through them.  They learn that their feelings don't make them weak. They make them human.

Many of us grew up learning to suppress, minimize, or push through our tears. Raising emotionally healthy children often requires us to relearn how to honor our own emotions as well.

Author, Jen Rapanos, LMSW, RCYT

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