Rethinking Sleep: A New Way to Look at Those Hard-to-Fall-Asleep Nights

More and more lately, I’ve been hearing from kids and teens who are struggling with sleep — and feeling a lot of pressure when it doesn’t come easily. Like if they don’t fall asleep the moment their head hits the pillow, something must be wrong.

Instead of winding down, they often end up more wound up — worried that they’re not sleeping, and unsure what to do next.  That pressure to fall asleep quickly can actually make it even harder. So what if we offered a different way to think about sleep altogether? What if we could help kids build (or discover) a healthier, more compassionate relationship with sleep?

Let’s Rethink Sleep
​One of the most powerful things we can do as parents or caregivers is help kids view sleep not as a test to pass, but as an act of self-care. Sleep isn’t just something we have to do — it’s a way we nurture and restore our minds and bodies.

And like many things in life, our relationship with sleep isn’t black and white. It ebbs and flows. Some nights feel easy, others feel tangled. Sleep is less of a switch to flip and more of a rhythm — one that changes based on what we’ve carried through the day, what’s stirring inside us, and what our bodies and minds might need.

When we view sleep as a relationship — something we’re constantly learning from and responding to — it opens up space to explore. Maybe a child needs more support in settling, more consistent rhythms, or better ways to release built-up energy. Maybe it’s about discovering new strategies for calming the mind or tuning inward to sense what the body needs.

And if your child is older? It’s not too late. We can always reframe and rediscover a new relationship with sleep — one built on care, not control.
We can help by offering gentle, grounding messages like:

• “Some nights, it’s harder for our brain, mind, and body to settle — and that’s okay.”
• “Sleep is how we care for ourselves — it gives our body and brain time to rest and reset.”
• “We were designed to need sleep. It helps bring balance between the excitement of being awake and the rest we need to grow and thrive.”
• “Some nights, it might take longer to fall or stay asleep — and that’s okay too.”
• “I wonder what your mind and body are communicating to you?”

These kinds of reminders help release pressure and open up space for curiosity, compassion, and patience. When we offer this perspective, we help kids feel less like they’re doing something wrong — and more like they’re learning something important about how to care for themselves.

Setting the Stage for Sleep
One of the most helpful ways to support sleep is by slowing things down in the hour before bedtime. This creates a rhythm — a signal to the nervous system that it’s time to shift gears and soften into rest.

Some ideas to try:

• Turn down lights or use soft lamps to support natural melatonin release
• Play calming music or nature sounds — here’s a great playlist: 
• Limit screens and choose calming activities instead, like:
  • Reading together or alone
  • Working on a puzzle
  • A warm bath or shower
  • Gentle stretching
  • Listening to soft music or an audiobook
  • Quiet 1:1 time to snuggle, reflect, or read​

This isn’t about creating a perfect bedtime routine, it’s about offering predictable, peaceful cues that help the body feel safe enough to rest.

When Sleep Feels Hard: Try a “Plan B”
For older kids, it can be helpful to have a Plan B — concrete options for when sleep just isn’t coming easily. Instead of lying in bed frustrated, they can gently shift to something supportive that helps their body and mind reset.

Here are a few Plan B ideas:

• Read again — something familiar and soothing (not too exciting!)
• Stretch in bed — hold each stretch a little longer and pair it with slow, calming breaths
• Try progressive relaxation — gently tense and release different parts of the body, starting at the feet and moving slowly up to the head
• Listen to soft music, nature sounds, or a favorite guided meditation.  Click Here to access our Well-Bean Sleep Playlist on Spotify
• Imagine a peaceful, safe place — like a beach, forest, or a cozy room
• Remind yourself: “It’s okay to just lay here and rest. I don’t have to fall asleep right away.”

These quiet choices help shift the focus from “I have to fall asleep” to “I can take care of myself right now.”

Finding a Rhythm and a New Mindset
​While it might sound simple, consistency can be surprisingly powerful too. Our bodies thrive on rhythm. Going to bed and waking up around the same time each day helps our internal clock settle into a groove, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up feeling more refreshed. It’s not about being strict—it’s about offering your body a rhythm it can count on.

Most importantly, this isn’t about perfection, it’s about supporting the nervous system. Routines that feel safe, calming, and predictable help signal to the body that it’s okay to rest. And when we bring in practices like gentle movement, mindfulness, or connection before bed, we’re not just helping with sleep—we’re tending to well-being in a deeper way.

At the heart of it all is this, our mindset around sleep matters. When we stop treating sleep as something to force and start viewing it as a time for care and restoration, we help kids feel less stuck and more supported, even on the hard nights.

Rest is valuable, even if sleep doesn’t come right away. Everyone has off nights. They don’t mean something is wrong. They’re simply an invitation to slow down, reset, and respond with care. Sleep isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm, one we can learn to honor with patience, creativity, and kindness.

Written by: Jen Rapanos, LMSW, RCYT